He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
