I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Panties = found
Randomize
