Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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