My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
