Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
