We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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