My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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