overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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