I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
