I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
