We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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