You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
