apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
did i just pee glitter
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
