No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
A+ Viking dick
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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