so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
