so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize