theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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