dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
