last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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