let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
