People in love make me want to vomit
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
