I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize