That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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