I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
