I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize