as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm passing your future prison.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
