I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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