my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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