I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
