So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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