tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
