So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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