just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
