Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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