You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
