yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
