So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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