remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
