i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
