The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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