I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
