We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
