He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
