My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
