you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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