(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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