You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
