just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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