Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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