I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
