please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
