Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
