Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
