my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
