Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
