Bisexual people are plain selfish.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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