chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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