quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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