what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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