i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
