Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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