You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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