I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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