then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh god it's open bar.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
