I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The air taste purple.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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