evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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