It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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