If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
