What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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