Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
