My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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