I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
