There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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