4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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