we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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