sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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