sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
