i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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