Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
