Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
