THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize