Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
