So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize