i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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