I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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