Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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