I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
