she woke up with a sticky ear
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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