I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
