Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
