When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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