i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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