I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
