I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
