my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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