I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
