Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
