TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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