I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
