I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
