Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
