I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
