You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
