Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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