i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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